Beauty in the breakdown

I am newly obsessed with the movie "Garden State." I watched it three times last weekend. Let's ignore the fact that I had the time to watch a movie three times, and focus instead on the beautiful sadness of this movie. It touches on themes that resonate with everyone, no matter who they are or where they've come from - wanting to be happy, fear of being happy, wanting to be loved, fear of being loved, wanting to be safe and finding the person that provides that safe haven for you.

I think that emotional safety has more to do with who you're with, and less about life situations and circumstances. There have been many times in my life when everything was spinning into pieces, but there was someone to hold me and make it better, and I think that kind of safety means more to all of us than we'd like to admit. At least that's true for me, because as much as I always want to be strong about everything, and for everyone else, I have realized that there's also somehing beautiful about trusting someone else to hold you when it goes to shit - there's beauty in the breakdown.

Ethics tangent

This ethics tangent is completely unprovoked, there is no agenda to my discussion. I guess it's just good to remind yourself why you do what you do. This is why I do what I do, even if it's on a very small scale right now.

I really like to believe in the power of the media, and I really like to believe that they make a difference. And I really like to believe that I too, will one day make a difference. Maybe not by being a Pulitzer Prize-winning whistle-blower, but by being the writer who told that story right, true. It might not be a lot, but it's something.

I really like to believe that everyone is as idealistic as I am. And even I am not so naive as to think that THAT is true. But if the idealism of one can be a spark that lights the flames of many, who's to say we can't ignite the hearts of all by finding the truth? That has to be worth something.

I really like to believe that everyone who goes into journalism is doing it for the noblest of reasons: pursuit of passion, truth telling, passively advocating for humanity by recording our triumphs, our failures, and standing up for justice when something goes awry, even if we can only scream objectively and hope that someone can read our subtext, and know that something is wrong and desperately needs fixing. After all, journalism by its very nature is not a career of activism. It's a career of quietly (or sometimes not so quietly) observing the comings and goings of our fellow man, and at the end of the day, knowing that something you said has given someone else a new context in which to think about the world. And that is definitely something.

When hair attacks

So - it's probably not a good idea to wear a wool sweater, with a wool peacoat, on a dry day, where the wind is blowing and the electricity is a chargin'. Watch out static! Or, more importantly, watch out friends and coworkers, because I don't think I've ever looked more charming than today, at my most staticky...

Spice Girls...the key to my soul?

CSU has a renowned music therapy program, and according to the department findings (for which they have won many awards, they'll have you know) the music you listened to from age 12-19 is the music that will forever unlock certain parts of your subconcious. I know that this must be true on some fundamental level. But I think this is true of most external stimuli: the smell of Clearasil facewash reminds me of my first night away from home, the smell of rose petals reminds me of my mom, and every birthday I've ever celebrated with my large and crazy family at the Spaghetti Factory recalls all the birthdays before it (19 so far - because there was that one year my carnivorous uncle insisted we eat at a steak house.)
Or, I could just be in denial about the fact that Spice Girls, Ace of Base, and N*Sync will forever be the keys to unlocking the secrets of my soul.
Musical travesty if ever there was one.

My birthday, basically

"Hilary, you cannot hold your alcohol."
"I don't need to hold it, I can carry it in my purse."

And...

"I need a tiara from Wal-Mart RIGHT NOW!"
"I think they're sold out of princess crowns, it's Halloween."
"Not a fake one, a real one! They're back by the yarn..."

Also...

"What are you for Halloween?"
"Intoxicated."

Finally...

"This is Michael, he is always on his phone because he thinks he is the president of the FUCKING WORLD!!!"
"Please do censor yourself. Just because you're the birthday princess, doesn't mean you get to be rude."
"If I was really a princess you would buy me a tiara."

"Melinda, go to the temple!"


Many thanks to my friends for putting up with me, laughing with me, and for picking me up- both from the bars, and from off the floor, while I was a wailing, tiara-less Holly Golightly.

Here's what I like

photo of the day: Brown Eyes c.Hilary Davis


As the title suggests... here's what I like. Because this is my journal and I can do that:
.Making amusing faces at myself in the mirror (yes I AM about to turn 21, thank you)
.Breakfast foods, especially hashbrowns and waffles
.Feeling very academically supported, all in one hour (thank you Greek Life)
.Getting birthday packages in the mail
.Not so much studying for my midterm that takes place in T-minus an hour and a half
.Conjunctions (what's YOUR function?)
.Chocolate pudding. It's delish.

Clearly, this is a rave

We went to some party last night (a huge step for Dana and I, who stay in on Friday nights like it's our job.) The concept was cool - it was a black light party, so everyone had glow sticks and paint on (although beerpong was proving to be more difficult than usual for some people.) KD's make a party wherever we go, and so we were having a great time flinging the glow sticks around, pretending to be drunk, and asking people if they wanted to come to our rave.
HOWEVER, the night came to an abrupt halt when four guys from my Preview groups over the summer knew who I was by name (it still freaks me out when they do that) and then started flirting with me!
Dana and I had a lovely evening watching movies and painting our nails.

photo of the day: "This is so ravin'..." c. Hilary Davis

Oh the romance...

I love the airport. I don't know if most people know that about me, but I think it's the most romantic place in the world. I have a secret fantasy of being chased through the airport by someone who loves me, just so they can tell me one more time. Dana and I went to the airport today to pick up our KD National Officer, Mary-Helen (not a likely candidate for the chasing...) I was so bummed that we didn't get to go inside! Travel is so glamorous. I just love seeing the people, thinking about what's inside their suitcases, wondering where they're headed.


photo of the day: DIA c.Hilary Davis

We're so busy and productive here

Here was my day at the office today:

Cori: "There were two peanuts walking down a scary street at night. One was assaulted..."
Me: "A salted? Assaulted? I get it! But wait, what if he had been honey roasted? This would not have been nearly as funny..."
Cori: "Don't take this away from me, it's all I have! Have I told you the one about the pants?"
Me: "Why is Lindsay wearing antennae?"

I fully realize that this is only funny to me, Cori, and possibly Linds. Such is life at OCSS. I'd probably get more done if we didn't have two fire drills IN ONE DAY! I can't work like this.

photo of the day: "I'm nonchalantly going to wear these antennae to see if anyone notices..." c. Hilary Davis

Tricky Business

There are some things that are frowned upon, and there are some things that you just shouldn't do. Case in point: standing in the middle of the street to take a picture. In my defense, I've always wanted to try it, and there's no time like the present!

photo of the day: it was tricky business, this one c. Hilary Davis

Here's what I think

Things to be avoided:
1. Chinese food not made by Chinese people
2. Four hour city council meetings
3. Getting only three hours of sleep
4. Turning down homemade cinnamon rolls (what was I thinking?)
5. Crazy people on the Plaza


Highly recommended:
1. Kellog's Smart Start as a dinner supplement
2. Five hour chats with people you love
3. Early morning Bible study
4. Learning interesting new facts about false posessives (I'm a self-admitted grammar nerd)
5. Detouring through the leaves en route to class

photo of the day: Happy Feet! c. Hilary Davis

Free Speech... not very freeing

There was yet another religious zealot on the Plaza today, condemning everyone to Hell. And I mean everyone. According to him, I am a whore (because I am in a sorority) and a loose woman (because I am a female at CSU - we’re all loose, didn’t you know?)
I welcome the man’s ideas, because free speech is protected on the Plaza, which I am grateful for. You have to take the good with the bad, of course, but as a writer and aspiring journalist, free speech is the most precious of assurances given to us by our founding fathers.
While I don’t take issue with his right to be on the Plaza, I do take offense as a Christian. This man is enraging so many people, and giving all Christians a bad name, and a horrible image to try to live down in our daily lives. Screaming hellfire and brimstone didn’t work for Jonathan Edwards, and I don’t think it’s going to work for this man either. Why would anyone preach so much hatred when the pervading message of Christ is simply to love?

photo of the day: Free Speech Zone c. Hilary Davis

i carry your heart

i carry your heart with me (i carry it in
my heart) i am never without it (anywhere
i go you go, my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing, my darling)

i fear
no fate (for you are my fate, my sweet) i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world, my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart (i carry it in my heart)

-e.e. cummings

Fall has fallen

I always feel so nostaligc in the Fall. It reminds me of First Day of School Dresses, freshly sharpened pencils, and the smell of new crayons. Even though we start school in what seems like the middle of summer now, it only hits me in October that I'm a student.
I feel so blessed to be able to say that. I love being a student, learning, growing, meeting new people every day. I love living and being part of an institution of higher learning, and being part of the swarm of ideas in this town.
And, simply for its aesthetics, I love Ft. Collins in Autumn. The way the sun shines through the trees and makes patterns on the grass fills me with wonder, the smell of the moist leaves stays with you all day, and I love the crunching sound they make on my way to class, like I'm walking on potato chips.
Fall is so bittersweet, and even though it hurts, it's still my favorite time of year. It is romance, sadness, death, and beauty all at once. Wonderful.

photo of the day: The Oval in Autumn c. Hilary Davis

So this is what all the fuss is about

I guess I've succumbed to it.
I've never been one to jump on trends, but as my attempt to keep a daily journal has failed miserably (despite always believing I was a pen and paper girl at heart) I decided to see what all the fuss was about, and get a blog.
So far so good, I guess.
I didn't do this so other people could read my thoughts and feelings, although I am not so naive to believe that just because I haven't told people about this blog that it won't be read by someone, somewhere.
What I write is for me, and I don't need approval from others to make it valid. The spilling out of my own thoughts into words is enough for me. The pictures I take are how I see the world, and however good or bad they are, they are my life on my terms-beauty through my eyes, however blurry the vision.
So far so good, I guess...