Nobody really lives in a glass house, so quit throwing stuff!

Am I wearing a KICK ME sign today? Or even a NUDGE ME REALLY HARD sign? I checked, and the answer is no. I would really like to know what the problem is then, because I feel like I was just subjected to a public beating - and it's only 11:00 a.m.! I always thought these things happened at night dammit, I don't have my mace.

The girl I was sitting next to in class kicked me in the shins no less than three times and only apologized the first time - Newsflash: saying you're sorry doesn't make it hurt any less during the subsequent kickings. And on my way out of class, I was exiting a door and someone else felt the need to shoulder me so hard that I almost fell over. Newsflash #2 - I am not a linebacker. I am a girl who is 5'2". If you push me, I will fall down. Do you want my blood on your hands? Or my ripped GAP jeans?

And why do people like to throw things in parking lots? Is it really necessary that they throw an empty soda bottle instead of just placing it in the trashcan like an environmentally-concious citizen? Is it really necessary that they throw that soda bottle near my head?

Also, I was almost hit by a bike. I am always having near-death experiences with bikes, it's a way of life at CSU, but today it felt personal. On days like today, everything is personal. So don't trip me on the stairs or I'll mace you.

Yo ho... oh no

I am singing opera. Not right now, of course, but every day since two weeks ago Monday and until Saturday night. I am in an all-German performance of "The Flying Dutchman" with the Colorado Opera.

I don't know German.

He Seleut, wach ter kauf! Sounds like swearing, no? ( sadly, actually means Hey you sailors, waken up! If I knew how to say Holy shit, there's no way I can pull this off! in German, I totally would have.)

I'm singing in the maiden chorus, and our only purpose is to bring the 'sailors' (and we use that term loosely because half of them are homosexual choir boys who couldn't tell you ahoy! from a hottie if their lives depended on it) gifts and baskets of foodstuffs - and apparently waken them up as well. This is not exactly my idea of a hot date, especially not bringing foodstuffs AND wearing a Norweigen kerchief, in which I look so sexy.

If anyone would like to see "The Flying Dutchman" it will be presented at the University Center for the Arts on South College Avenue, Feb. 3 and 4 at 7 p.m.

If not, I'll sing for you some other time. But I'm definitely NOT going to be wearing the kerchief, and I think the foodstuffs might be gone by then.

Feeling guilty...

. For liking the smell of cigar smoke.
. For ditching out four minutes before midnight on my best friend's 21st birthday because I was THAT tired.
. For not having a boyfriend and being secretly OK with it.
. For having my entire wedding planned out, despite the above statement.
. For loving opera, but hating music majors because those kids are so fucking weird.

How to annoy me: vol. 2

. Don't hold the door.
. Force me to learn an entire opera in GERMAN in two weeks' time.
. Wear obnoxious, distracting pants and squat around the gym while other people are innocently working out...
. Have smelly feet, know that you have smelly feet, and wave them around in complete disregard for my nose, which is not so far away. You know who you are.
. Get a bad haircut, forcing me to be significantly less attracted to you. For shame.
. Assign homework.

Gariel Scharoner?

More fun slips from the land of Political Science (ie, land of those who like to hear themselves talk incessantly - what fun!)

In my American Government and Politics class yesterday, we were discussing the newly elected female (whoo!) president of Liberia, the newly elected female (whoo again!) Chancellor of Germany, and how Ariel Sharon has blinked twice and nothing else in the past few days. Below is the actual conversation that ensued:

Kid: "Is Ariel Sharon still trying to share power with that lady who got elected?"

Professor: "I'm sorry?"

Kid: "Well, since that lady got elected to be the chancellor, Ariel Sharon is pretty mad, so he wanted to share the job with her."

Professor: "Ariel Sharon is comatose, he hasn't been real emotional lately. Do you mean the Chancellor of GERMANY, Gerhard Schroeder?"

Kid: "Um, yeah I guess I do..."

I thought the girl next to me was going to pee her pants. If I go to hell for making fun of these people, at least I won't be alone.

Ach nein!

Life is so humorous. Like today, for example: in my state and local politics class, the girl who was sitting in front of me is from Germany (I am a shameless eavesdropper - let it go.) We were talking about the man who was caught with marijuana and the D.A. threw out his case because of the Safe Pot initiative in Denver. All of this was fine, until the girl pronounced marijuana as "merry-a-huana." Yes, you did read that correctly. And for the rest of the class, I was half-paying attention to my professor and half-figuring out how I was going to spell that later.

The times, they aren't really a changin'

Today has been an interesting dip into the pool of my past (apparently I will also be dipping into the pool of really bad metaphors and lame figures of speech, but that's for later.)

I met up with two old friends today: a friend I never honestly intended to see again, and my senior prom date, whom I also never thought I would see again. I will the first person to admit that I downsize my friends. As harsh as it sounds, I would prefer to have a group of close friends that I know intimately and care deeply about, instead of winning the popularity contest and running myself to exhaustion trying to keep up with everyone I've ever met, just to make sure we're still friends. I know that some people subscribe to the adage "the more the merrier" and that is true when sharing the rent or a bottle of vodka, but when it comes to close friends, I just don't view it that way.

I am the person who 'downsized' friends for having telephone conversations while we were out to ice-cream, text messaging people while having a conversation with me, lying, turning Republican (it's okay to be one, just don't say you're a good old- fashioned Democrat and then take it back - it's decevious!) and interrupting. Some of these are good reasons to reevaluate a friendship, others are not so justified. What can I say, I have a zero-tolerance approach to friendship. Which is not to say that I am not a supportive friend. On the contrary, I am fiercely loyal and protective of those I love. It's just that my love only extends so far, and membership into that group is a long process.

So you can imagine that I was quite surprised when I actually enjoyed myself at both of these meetings today. One lasted for over two hours, and our conversation ran the gamut from travel to boys to politics. And it was refreshing to know that as much as I'd like to think that I've grown up and passed my past, I haven't changed as much as I think, and neither has she.

Oh, love

"Dad. Are you crunching tortilla chips while I am trying to watch 'The Bachelor'?"
(audible stopping crunching of tortilla chips.)

"Dad! Are you clinking your spoon while I am trying to watch 'The Bachelor'?"
(stopping clinking of spoon. Also, audible pondering of why someone was eating tortilla chips AND something that required a spoon simultaneously...)

"DAD! Are you breathing while I am trying to watch 'The Bachelor'?"
(man holding tortilla chip and spoon begins to turn purple. Also, general wonderment as to why I was even watching "The Bachelor," and WITH MY PARENTS no less...)

Time to go back to school!

No, but seriously, have you SEEN the bachelor? Hello!